Wednesday, December 21, 2005

Southern Food

You know I tried to be a Muslim once – I really did. I would be one right now, I have no attachment whatsoever to the Christian religion. I dig certain concepts like: Forgiveness, atonement, love your neighbor and all that kind of stuff. Now when it gets to the mythology…that’s where I have the problem.

I like Islam for the discipline – I dig that. The cat at the mosque said, “Brother, if you’re gonna join us you gotta be disciplined”. I said ‘Ok brother, right on.” He said, “No white women.” I said, ‘No problem brother, I have no attachment to them anyway.” He said, “No alcohol or drugs.” ‘I said, “No problem brother, I’m not into that anyway.” And then he crushed my heart, “And no pig brother…”

“Whew”, I thought, “No pig?’ No pork chops, no bacon, no ribs, no sausage, no ham…?”

I tried; I prayed, I ate chicken, fish and lamb for almost a year and a half. And then one late night at Safeway, it happened. A voice called my name. ‘Mark’, the voice said, “Over here”.

“Over where?” I said.
“Over here…follow my voice.”

It lead me straight to the frozen food section, right into a package of pork chops. “Awww man” I thought. I haven’t had a pork chop in a long time. And then it dawned on me. “Hey I can get sick from eating this. I haven’t touched this stuff in over a year. Better start slow – let’s get some bacon.”

And then I was back to eating pig again. No more discipline. I tried all of the mental tricks they give you in the Nation: ‘Brother, do you know what you’re eating? Hey, the pig is a cross between a rat and a dog. You are what you eat!” That didn’t work. And for my Muslim brothers y’all can keep believing that, while I throwdown on some baby back ribs. I know y’all are jealous, you smell that barbecue sauce and want a taste of swine too – don’t front.


chase said...

oh yeah....i think i would miss dim sum the most. chinese would be NOTHING without pork, NOTHING I tell you.....

The All Mighty Mark Skillz said...

Yeah and pizza without pepperoni is un-American!