Monday, April 10, 2006

Big Vito Was Gettin' His Boogie On

And you thought black hip-hop cats were the only tough guys on the D.L....Ha! Wait until you see "The Sopranos".

Before "Brokeback Mountain" shattered any and all illusions of the cowboy lifestyle being off-limits to sissies, queers and any other non-masculine type role models, along came last seasons episode of "The Sopranos".

Meadow Soprano's ( for those of you who don't know, she's the bosses daughter) boyfriend arrived at work a little earlier than usual. He parked next to the only other car on the lot, leaned back in his seat to catch a snooze, but before doing so he looked at the occupant in the car next to him: It was the security guard, looking like he too was catching a snooze, but, he had his head back and his mouth open...hmmmm, maybe the guard met a hooker before work and decided to get a "little action" before his day got started.

But wait, the guard opened his eyes and looked to his left to see a car parked next to his.

Uh-oh, he's been busted getting his nob polished while on the job. Shame on him.

But just when you think the little young site secretaries head was gonna pop up: Surprise, it's big, fat, tough mob guy Vito! All 400 pounds of him.

Oh no. Vito is that you?

Last night during Johnny Sack's daughters wedding Vito was feeling "conflicted" during the ceremony. He was the most visibly disturbed person during the wedding. He kept looking at his ring, twisting and turning it around on his finger.

Two mob guys show up at a batty man club, they were there to pick up money. Neither one of those guys liked being there, "I hate this place", they said "Let's get the fuck outta here..."

Well, just as they're leaving who does the camera pan to? Big Vito, gettin' his boogie on in black leather with the hat and whip to match! Big Vito pulled him a man and was about to take him home too, that was until the two wiseguys saw him.

"Vito, you're a fag?" one of them said in shock and disgust.

"Hey guys", Vito said, as nervous as a deer in a headlight. "It's just a joke".

"Yeah right, Vito, you're a fag".

"It's just a joke guys...don't say nuttin."

The next scene Vito is at home pulling a .45 out of the drawer. It lokks like he's gonna kill both of em.


The next scene he checks into a motel looking extremely worried, he takes the .45 out of his pocket and puts it on the nightstand next to the bed. Vito can't take the pressure of his "secret life" being exposed.

There has been alot of stuff in the last few years about men on the "DL". Lemme tell you something, I remember when the "DL" was a phrase used to describe cats (straight guys like myself) that were quiet, not tryin to mess with nobody and get in their business and shit like that.

Then around the same time some gay dudes wrote books about their lives on the "DL". What those dudes are are guys that mess with men and women, but don't want anyone to know that they are really gay. I don't care what they say: If you're messing around with a man, in a "no clothes on" kinda scenario: YOU ARE GAY. Don't give me that bi-sexual gabbage, your gay. It's alright, it's your business, it's your lifestyle, it's your choice. But you have the obligation to tell the women that you are seeing about your "Alternative choice".

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